Still January and other obvious thoughts...

I've thought about posting several times, obviously it hasn't happened... I wish I could say I had a reason for my feelings, but January kind-of wears me out. While I try to practice living in the moments I'm given, I can't help but wish for the moments a few months ahead when things look and feel more like this:

In the meantime, here are a few thoughts about some of the moments I'm living in now:

We are practicing another version of increased simplicity here in our household, starting in January and lasting thru maybe May or June. Due to some unexpected medical bills and car repair expenses in 2008, we have taken, what may seem to some, a more extreme path in getting all of those paid off. We asked ourselves the question "What monthly expenses do we HAVE to pay?" and then basically cut out everything else. Internet, digital cable, the gym, preschool for William and more - all is on hold for a while. We have kept a modest grocery budget, with some room for small miscellaneous items, and a big enough eating out budget to go out once or twice a week - so obviously we aren't hurting any. I thought I'd feel terrible, missing these things and financial "room" to do anything other than pay the bills, but I don't feel bad at all. It's been good for me, and I'd recommend it for many reasons. In perspective, I have lost nothing of real value, and have gained something of immeasurable worth.

The lack of our own internet access makes keeping up on the blog a challenge. Thankfully, some neighbors have given us permission to hop on their wireless connection, and we are grateful for it, but the signal is inconsistent at best (but I'll take it).

We've been visited the past few weekends by not only my older brother, but my parents and a quicker visit from David's Mom. I don't get a lot of face-time with my own big-bro, so it was nice to have him here. He even spent two hours with me at Hobby Lobby figuring out how to frame one of my photos (which shows how much he loves me)! My parents came and watched the boys for an entire day so David and I could participate in day-long meetings with the local Recovery program that we sponsor and volunteer in. While I just plain enjoy being with my parents, there is an added benefit to their visit - it was nice to come home to not only happy boys, but to things around the house taken care of that have remained "un-taken care of" for months. Thanks Parents!

Our TV and my phone broke within a week of each other, and the van transimission is not acting right. I am choosing not to worry about the van, and hopefully it's not an extremely cold day when it quits. I was sent a brand new replacement phone, and in even better news, the warranty on our TV gave us a BIGGER and BETTER TV for free! Needless to say, DVD and the boys are thrilled.

I have just finished a book that gives voice to what I have been internally processing over the last year about leaving my job in church ministry and learning to relate to God outside of religion and frenetic affirmation-seeking activity. The name of the book is "Leaving Church" by Barbara Brown Taylor and her words are quite insightful, giving me much more to ruminate on regarding not only the church but more importantly, God himself. I must say, my quality of life as it currently is (spiritually and otherwise) is better than it once was, when I was "doing" all the things that were "right". For what it's worth in this moment, I have decided that there is very little I actually KNOW about God and his realm, and I think I'm going to trust God to be God regardless of how you and I might interpret this Divine Being.

Two nights ago I sat outside the closed bathroom door with tears and hope, listening to my boys sing in the bath, "1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, we believe it's not too late, together we can change the world!"

At this very moment, I am extremely uncomfortable. Laurie Jo gave me a pair of jeans that are a bit too big for her, and a bit too small for me. I told her I needed to lose a few more pounds before wearing them but she said "Oh no, they'll look good on you, and after a few hours of wear they stretch out a bit." I have experienced no stretching, other than the theatrical stretching it took for me to get them on and fastened. So, I sit here wondering which side I'm on - a) slightly tight jeans that make me look really HOT, or b) "Whoa! that girl is just plain too big for those jeans!" I thought about posting a picture, because option B would just be funny, but if I do indeed fall into the option A category, then my HOTNESS may be too much for some of my readers.

I'll go to pick up Aaron in a few minutes then will spend the rest of the evening downtown hosting an art exhibit for Artrageous Friday, then I'll be back downtown tomorrow night for the 3rd Annual Lee School Silent Film/Silent Art Auction Festival. For the first time, I have entered one of my own photographs for public consumption. It has been on display at the Columbia Art League all week and it's been quite an exciting feeling for me to see one of my own pictures in the window of an art gallery downtown.

Ok, the jeans have got to go...