Current Family Discussion

Right after I posted my last blog a month ago Henri was sick for a week, then I was sick with the genuine Influenza for almost two weeks.  In that time we also had four snow days!  I always love a good snow day.  It took us a while after all that to feel back to normal.

The past two weeks we have had an extra child in our home for an hour in the morning before school and for several hours in the afternoon after school.  She comes from a family that we don't know all that well but I have been giving her rides to and from school since the fall.  She is with us due to crisis in her own family.  She is sensitive and fun-loving, and she is also a child in crisis and exhibits everything that comes with that.  She is a little girl dealing with grown-up problems and worries.  We have been glad to help, and would do it all over again even knowing the difficulties it has brought to our family.

The truth is that our family doesn't cope very well having an extra person in our home for a consistent time.  We already knew this about ourselves because we often have overnight company for a few days at a time.  Soon after Aaron was born, we could tell that having people in our house for an extended period of time caused him stress - he cried more, didn't sleep well and was overall more uptight and emotional.  He hasn't changed.  And he might have rubbed off on David and I, because we often now feel the same way.  It's just hard, even when it's someone we care deeply about.

The situation has spurred some good conversation between David and I, and with Aaron and William.  As an individual it has always been a struggle for me to determine the balance between helping others and taking care of myself.  It's been good for our family to have the same type of discussion.  To understand what percentages we give to all the factors involved in making these kind of decisions.  To respect our own personalities, giftings and needs while at the same time finding a way to reach out to others and meet needs in a way that is not damaging to us.

We want to be helpful to others, we give time and money to organizations that we trust whose missions are to help others in a variety of ways.  It's interesting how much easier it is to be involved with an organization than it is to be involved with the individual.

I'm always interested to hear how other people find this balance.  It seems the things I observe about others on this subject differ greatly.  I see people who don't struggle with it at all, who take care of their own and that's it.  Other's seem to manage giving of themselves with ease, while some seem to do it to their own detriment.

For me, for us, it feels worth the struggle to figure it out.  To keep trying, sometimes poorly, sometimes with a successful balance, to live a part of our life outside of ourselves.