I probably shouldn't post when I'm a grump. But I definitely feel more like writing when I'm down than when I'm up. And writing is one of my latest resolutions, as it usually seems to provide both challenge and relief for me, and I like both of those feelings.
This evening's reason for grumpiness is multi-faceted, as usual, but on the forefront of my mind is this phrase "Maybe I should just give up and be fat and die an earlier than average death from heart disease as a result of the aforementioned fatness".
A tad dramatic, after only a month of commitment to my health. (which follows about 13 years of on-again off-again commitments to my health)
I started this year weighing in at a hefty 182 pounds. According to most accepted health charts, that's overweight, by about 35 pounds. It's not just my weight that spurred a commitment to health, but also how poorly I've felt. In 2012, increasingly by the end of the year, migraines have been a regular part of my week, as well as chronic daily headaches. Totally sucks, and blows.
After only a few weeks on a new eating and overall health improvement plan my migraines and headaches decreased, I felt more energetic and lost a few pounds. I went two and a half weeks without a migraine at all, which is twice as long of a relief period than I had in most of the past year. Totally motivating!
After having a migraine this past Friday, in the middle of prepping my home for a party I invited over 20 people to that evening, and gaining 3 pounds back for no apparent reason at all, I feel pretty demotivated. Especially after all the restraint.
It seems that deep down I don't really believe I can conquer this - both the headaches and the plumpness. And I don't know what to do about that. The feeling of demotivation only serves to motivate me to want to eat and drink to excess.
In the absence of not knowing what to do about that, I suppose I'll just keep going as I have for the past 4 weeks, because that seemed to sound like a good plan 4 weeks ago. And I did have those 2 weeks with no migraine, that was nice. And I did feel good about choosing healthier foods and habits, that was nice too.
Here's to one moment at a time. Hoping those moments add up to a healthier life.
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I completely understand, Casey. I'm sorry that it's difficult to stay motivated. That's really what I would love. I don't need a pill to lose weight necessarily. I need a pill that makes me consistently give a shit.
I know they market those, but I have a feeling it would backfire on me.
Anyway, I'm thinking about you. Sending positive thoughts to your plan. I think it's a great one, and I am so proud of you for sticking with it!
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